Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
