Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
