if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
