I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
