A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
