So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
