That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
