I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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