So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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