you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
