After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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