I love black thongs
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize