ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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