i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
