you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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