Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
