My first STD was from a foam party
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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