We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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