why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
