never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize