I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
