how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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