It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
