I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
