Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
