U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just tell him i said nine months
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
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Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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