Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
