I can't breathe out the right side of my face
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
