I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
