Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
