Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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