All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
