does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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