then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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