I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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