I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
