She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
