Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
