Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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