you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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