I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
