i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize