is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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