I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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