i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
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Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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