I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
