I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
