dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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