Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
