u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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