if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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