Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
