I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize