I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You're a waste of cheezeits
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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