So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
