Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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