real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
