Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
