you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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