omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
