Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
