Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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