I hate your face
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I wear drunk well.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
